Three Ducks On My Lawn
© Nigel Ratcliffe and Jon Horne 1994
 
 The moon was a greeny shade of yellow
 My eyes were a funny shade of red
 I said to a lady policeman
 "Excuse me, will you take me home to bed?"
 She threw me in a black maria
 And then a holding cell
 We made love with eyes open
 Until the breakfast bell
 
 I fed the dog after he bit the postman
 I let him out and he went chasing ducks
 But the ducks all turned into pteradactyls
 He ran home with his tail betwixt his legs
 Postie settled on the roof
 With wings of rice and gold
 He poured his heart out on the dog
 Who was now feeling old
 
 I feel like ending this song
 With choreography in a swimming pool
 The dampness lingers on the carpet
 And Jon says: "Nige, you bloody fool"
 The trouble with ideas like that
 They shouldn't be allowed
 We walked away from burial grounds
 Eyes dim and heads bowed